THE VERY MODEL OF A GRADUATE MATHEMATICAL
(to the tune of the "Modern Major General" song by Gilbert & Sullivan)
You’ve been the very models now of Students Mathematical
For you can do mechanics, both dynamical and statical,
You can tell now when a matrix will be simply diagonalisable
And you can draw Greek letters so that they are recognisable.
You’re quite at home with residues and really now are quite at ease,
When dealing with essential isolated singularities.
You can integrate a function round a contour in the complex plane,
Even if it goes off to infinity and back again!
If you’re as pure as pure can be, without the least apology,
And quite content with manifolds of arbitrary topology;
If your grasp of number theory now is certainly not prosaical
Or like Liebeck you are expert now on all things algebraical.
You know when polynomials are solvable by radicals,
And you can reel off Simple Groups including the sporadicals.
Why then in matters rational, or logically thematical,
You are the very model of a student mathematical.
If your interests have moved the way of topics more Statistical
And you can use techniques whether simple or sophistical;
By now you know the meaning of `variates antithetical’
And why covariance matrices they have to be symmetrical.
If you can measure sets of uncertain countability,
And assign to them a value you define as probability,
Your grasp of permutations - thanks to Emma’s - not a hazy one,
She taught you till you knew it’s true - Statistics should be Bayesian.
If you’re a model student who’s applied mathematical;
You deal with physics in a way that’s rational and practical.
You’ll feel no better undergrad has ever earned a Maths degree,
When at last you find the way to solve some nasty-looking PDE.
Or if you studied Fluids and can explain with some ferocity
The difference between viscosity, vorticity, velocity;
In short, I think you’ll find concerning all things problematical
You’ll soon be very models of graduates mathematical!
So as you prepare to say farewell to the College of Imperial,
To find suitable employment, scientific or managerial;
Your accumulated knowledge, both extensive and exemplary,
Should land you with a decent job without any help from Inkeri.
The world out there is neither very logical nor critical,
But maybe you can help make it a bit more analytical!
For as everybody here agrees (and most are quite emphatical)
You all are very models of the Graduate Mathematical!